101 Funniest Church Sign Sayings

Everyone loves a funny sign, and sometimes humor is found in places you'd least expect it. Churches, in particular, have a way of handing out unexpected laughs to passersby. In honor of all things rooted in hilarity, here are 101 of the funniest church sign sayings we've noticed when congregations are getting the Good Word out about God.

1. The fact that there's a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.

There must be some classic rock lovers in this church. #classicrock #acdc #highwaytohell #ledzeppelin #stairwaytoheaven #churchsigns #ripmalcolm #ripkeith #ripbon

14 Likes, 1 Comments – Marshall (@completely_marshall) on Instagram: "There must be some classic rock lovers in this church. #classicrock #acdc #highwaytohell..."

2. Jesus does not save halfway.

#livingoutoffocus #funnychurchsigns #truth #instagood #blogger #photographer

13 Likes, 2 Comments – Rachel (@snapsbyleighleigh) on Instagram: "#livingoutoffocus #funnychurchsigns #truth #instagood #blogger #photographer"

3. Hipster Jesus loved you before you were cool.

so edgy

20 Likes, 2 Comments – Funny Church Signs (@church.signs) on Instagram: "so edgy"

4. What section would you prefer in the afterlife? Smoking or non-smoking?

5. Be kind whenever possible. Pro tip – it's always possible.

Yes it is... "Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful." Colossians‬ ‭3:12-15‬ BUT CAN YOU LOVE PEOPLE WHO THINK DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU? WHO BELIEVE DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU? Have a blessed Sunday! #spiritualmusings #sharinggod

1,112 Likes, 14 Comments – Mandy Decker (@spiritualmusings) on Instagram: "Yes it is... "Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with..."

6. Do you spend your time with God's book or Facebook?

🤔😮 #churchsigns #churchsignsunday #signsfollowing #appalachia #mountains #mountainlife #kentucky #oldtimereligion #knoxcountyky

46 Likes, 4 Comments – J (@down.the.road.a.ways) on Instagram: "🤔😮 #churchsigns #churchsignsunday #signsfollowing #appalachia #mountains #mountainlife..."

7. Store the Bible in your heart, not on a shelf.

For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4 #marqueemondays #churchsigns #psalm119 #thebestpart

15 Likes, 1 Comments – Kerri Bass (@kerri_bass) on Instagram: "For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through..."

8. Acting up in church is like dressing up for an X-ray.

I love this sign. I️t spoke to me today. #churchsigns #church #jtcoc

30 Likes, 4 Comments – Mom Blogger | Mindy Studer (@stucrewfun) on Instagram: "I love this sign. I️t spoke to me today. #churchsigns #church #jtcoc"

9. Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted.

Seems true today and every day. #churchsigns

14.8k Likes, 192 Comments – Crowder (@crowdermusic) on Instagram: "Seems true today and every day. #churchsigns"

10. Don't give up! Moses was once a basket case!

11. Our sign broke. Come inside for the message.

12. No SPF needed to spend time with the Son.

13. God recycles. He made you from dust.

14. Always remember that Hell is really un-cool.

15. Jesus is God's selfie.

Jesus is God's selfie. "No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is himself God and is in closest relationship with the Father, has made him known." ‭‭John‬ ‭1:18‬ ‭NIV‬‬ #nopunctuation #letterboard #selfiesunday #churchsigns #epiphany #incarnation

47 Likes, 3 Comments – Grove Reformed Church (@grovechurchnj) on Instagram: "Jesus is God's selfie. "No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is himself God and..."

16. Honk if you love Jesus. Text and drive if you want to meet him.

Moral of the story: Don't Text & Drive! #funnychurchsigns #funnysigns #dontdrinkanddrive #funnyposts

6 Likes, 1 Comments – Oris Bryan (@oris_bryan) on Instagram: "Moral of the story: Don't Text & Drive! #funnychurchsigns #funnysigns #dontdrinkanddrive #funnyposts"

17. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

18. Need a lifeguard? He walks on water.

19. The best vitamin for a believer is B1.

#churchsigns 😂

9 Likes, 1 Comments – @melaniecampbell85 on Instagram: "#churchsigns 😂"

20. When you throw mud, you lose ground.

When you throw mud at someone you lose ground. #truth #churchsigns #sillychurchsigns

8 Likes, 1 Comments – Marshall (@completely_marshall) on Instagram: "When you throw mud at someone you lose ground. #truth #churchsigns #sillychurchsigns"

21. Call 911; our pastor is on fire!

22. If you are more fortunate than others, build a longer table, not a taller fence.

Something to think about as we head into Christmas _ _ #golftournament#golfpro#golfball#golfislife#golfchannel#golfaddict#golfstagram#titleist#golfclub#golfr#golfswing#golfwang#golflife #golfcourse#golf#christian#nashville#golffunny#godguysandgolf#instagram#longdrives#pgatour #tiger #tigerwoods#bibleverse #bible#116 #116clique#christmas#churchsigns

77 Likes, 5 Comments – GodGuysandGolf (@godguysandgolf) on Instagram: "Something to think about as we head into Christmas _ _..."

23. Visitors welcomed. Members expected.

24. Lord, help us be the people our dogs think we are.

Setting goals for 2018. Adding this one to the list. #dogs #dogsofinstagram #dog #church #churchsigns #churchsign #ohio #Hamilton #goals #goals❤️ #goal #selfimprovement

37 Likes, 3 Comments – WhyHamiltonOhio (@whyhamiltonohio) on Instagram: "Setting goals for 2018. Adding this one to the list. #dogs #dogsofinstagram #dog #church..."

25. Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?

Instagram post by Westside Church Sign * Dec 16, 2017 at 4:39am UTC

16 Likes, 1 Comments – Westside Church Sign (@westsidechurchsign) on Instagram

26. The struggle is real but so is God.

27. Looking for the perfect gift? Find Him here.

#churchsigns #fbcazcity #christmas

11 Likes, 1 Comments – Terri Durham (@terrileeaz) on Instagram: "#churchsigns #fbcazcity #christmas"

28. You have one new friend request from: Jesus.

29. When gratitude becomes your default setting, life changes.

This week in #churchsigns #church

41 Likes, 3 Comments – Alexia Daley (@thesingingrealtor) on Instagram: "This week in #churchsigns #church"

30. Less hate, more pancakes.

31. Don't make me come down there. – God

32. How do we make Holy Water? We boil the Hell out of it!

33. Adam and Eve: The first people to read the Apple terms and conditions.

😂😂😂 #funnychurchsigns #fridaymorninghumor #tgif 💃💃💃

506 Likes, 3 Comments – @anaqooks on Instagram: "😂😂😂 #funnychurchsigns #fridaymorninghumor #tgif 💃💃💃"

34. Trust in God, but lock your car.

35. Church parking only. Violators will be baptized.

36. Jesus will love the Hell out of you.

37. Your name may be on a bottle of Coke, but is it in the Book of Life?

38. I was going to waste, but Jesus recycled me.

39. God loves you whether you like it or not.

#truth #churchsigns

19 Likes, 4 Comments – Jeff White (@jeffandfara) on Instagram: "#truth #churchsigns"

40. Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible!

Awesome word on a local church.... So if you READ YOUR BIBLE EVERY DAY, you prevent TRUTH DECAY.... Can I have an AMEN 🙂

17 Likes, 8 Comments – Sonia Farrell (@art2bringglory2god) on Instagram: "Awesome word on a local church.... So if you READ YOUR BIBLE EVERY DAY, you prevent TRUTH DECAY......."

41. I am also making a list and checking it twice. – God

42. Exercise daily. Walk with the Lord.

43. Can't sleep? Counting sheep? Talk to the Shepherd!

44. What could this sign say to get you here on Sunday?

45. God is our wireless provider!

46. This heat wave is temporary. You certainly don't want to face an eternal one!

47. Body piercing saved our souls.

48. If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.

49. I hate this church. – Satan

50. Under the same management for more than 2,000 years.

51. Prophecy class cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

52. God didn't create anything without purpose, but mosquitoes do come close!

53. What happens in Vegas is forgiven here.

54. Does your spiritual house need spring cleaning?

55. Looking for "Mr. Right"? This is His house!

56. Keep using my name in vain, and I'll make rush hour longer. – God

no pls

28 Likes, 1 Comments – Funny Church Signs (@church.signs) on Instagram: "no pls"

57. iPod? iPad? Try iPray! God is listening!

58. You may party in Hell, but you will be the barbecue.

59. If your life stinks, we have a pew for you.

Cassi Mitchell Smith on Twitter

#FunnyChurchSigns

60. Prayer. The original wireless connection.

"Prayer, the original wireless connection" Jesus on the main line, tell him what you want. #churchsigns #signage #signsfromgod #thingschurchessay #pray #prayer #haha #joke #eastliberty#captureeastliberty

51 Likes, 1 Comments – Signs From God (@signs.from.god) on Instagram: ""Prayer, the original wireless connection" Jesus on the main line, tell him what you want...."

61. Bring your sin to the altar and drop it like it's hot. Drop it like it's hot.

62. Jesus: Your get-out-of-Hell-free card.

63. Practice thanking God for more than elastic waistbands.

#church #jesus #workout #fitness #sign #churchsigns

18 Likes, 2 Comments – Michael Moore (@pastormichaelmoo) on Instagram: "#church #jesus #workout #fitness #sign #churchsigns"

64. The manger was the first king-sized bed.

65. We have a prophet-sharing plan.

66. Read the Bible. It will scare the Hell out of you!

67. Jesus said "I'll be back" way before Arnold did.

#churchsigns #terminator #arnoldschwarzenegger #newberlin #wisconsin

7 Likes, 2 Comments – Jason Knuth (@jasonknuth) on Instagram: "#churchsigns #terminator #arnoldschwarzenegger #newberlin #wisconsin"

68. Gossip is the Devil's radio. Are you his DJ?

69. I find your lack of faith disturbing. – Darth Vader

70. Eternity is a long time to think about where you went wrong.

71. This is your sign to come to church.

72. Easter comes once a year. How often do you?

73. Walmart is not the only place for savings.

74. What is missing from ch__ch? U R!

Women of Pearl on Twitter

Funnychurchsigns

75. Forecast for tomorrow: God reigns and the Son shines.

76. We are not Dairy Queen, but we do have great Sundays!

77. Feeling warm? This church is prayer-conditioned.

78. Download your worries and get online with God.

79. Jesus is coming... Look busy!

80. What did Adam say to Eve? I'll wear the plants in this family.

81. Hate corny church signs? Amen!

82. You wanted a sign? Here it is!

83. ATM inside: Atonement, Truth, Mercy

Haha! In case anyone needs to make a withdrawal... #ibreakforphotos #funnychurchsigns #inspirational #mycreativebiz #thehappynow #pursuepretty #photography #blog #blogger #instagood #photographer #livethelittlethings #photoglife #livecolorfully #prettylittlethings

46 Likes, 4 Comments – Rachel (@snapsbyleighleigh) on Instagram: "Haha! In case anyone needs to make a withdrawal... #ibreakforphotos #funnychurchsigns..."

84. Give Satan an inch and he'll become your ruler.

85. Thou shalt not steal copper from our A/C unit.

86. God wants full custody, not just weekend visits.

87. Dust on your Bible leads to dirt in your life.

88. Our church is like fudge: sweet with a few nuts.

89. Tithe if you love Jesus. Anyone can honk.

90. If you're praying for a blizzard, please go to Dairy Queen.

91. Life is cray cray. Jesus is the way way.

92. Maury isn't the only place where people find their Fathers.

93. Addicted to the Hokey Pokey, so I turned myself around.

This sign makes me laugh everytime!!! I'm so glad I finally got a picture of it!!! #funnychurchsigns #funnysigns

11 Likes, 1 Comments – Robin Tucker (@sparklemom1919) on Instagram: "This sign makes me laugh everytime!!! I'm so glad I finally got a picture of it!!!..."

94. Free Coffee! Yes, membership has its benefits!

95. Sinners wanted. Apply within.

#livingoutoffocus #funnychurchsigns #madeyoulook

13 Likes, 5 Comments – Rachel (@snapsbyleighleigh) on Instagram: "#livingoutoffocus #funnychurchsigns #madeyoulook"

96. Wrinkled with problems? Come to the Lord's House for a faith lift.

97. If God is your copilot, switch seats.

Women of Pearl on Twitter

funnychurchsigns

98. Son screen prevents sin burn.

99. Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

Instagram post by Westside Church Sign * Nov 5, 2017 at 4:44pm UTC

6 Likes, 1 Comments – Westside Church Sign (@westsidechurchsign) on Instagram

100. No body's perfect, but a Jesus workout could help.

101. Jesus: Your get-out-of-hell-free card

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