101 Funniest Church Sign Sayings

Everyone loves a funny sign, and sometimes humor is found in places you'd least expect it. Churches, in particular, have a way of handing out unexpected laughs to passersby. In honor of all things rooted in hilarity, here are 101 of the funniest church sign sayings we've noticed when congregations are getting the Good Word out about God.

1. The fact that there's a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.

The fact that there's a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.

2. Jesus does not save halfway.

Jesus does not save halfway.

3. Hipster Jesus loved you before you were cool.

Hipster Jesus loved you before you were cool.

4. What section would you prefer in the afterlife? Smoking or non-smoking?

5. Be kind whenever possible. Pro tip – it's always possible.

Be kind whenever possible. Pro tip – it's always possible.

6. Do you spend your time with God's book or Facebook?

Do you spend your time with God's book or Facebook?

7. Store the Bible in your heart, not on a shelf.

Store the Bible in your heart, not on a shelf.

8. Acting up in church is like dressing up for an X-ray.

Acting up in church is like dressing up for an X-ray.

9. Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted.

Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted.

10. Don't give up! Moses was once a basket case!

11. Our sign broke. Come inside for the message.

12. No SPF needed to spend time with the Son.

13. God recycles. He made you from dust.

14. Always remember that Hell is really un-cool.

15. Jesus is God's selfie.

Jesus is God's selfie.

16. Honk if you love Jesus. Text and drive if you want to meet him.

Honk if you love Jesus. Text and drive if you want to meet him.

17. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

18. Need a lifeguard? He walks on water.

19. The best vitamin for a believer is B1.

The best vitamin for a believer is B1.

20. When you throw mud, you lose ground.

When you throw mud, you lose ground.

21. Call 911; our pastor is on fire!

22. If you are more fortunate than others, build a longer table, not a taller fence.

If you are more fortunate than others, build a longer table, not a taller fence.

23. Visitors welcomed. Members expected.

24. Lord, help us be the people our dogs think we are.

Lord, help us be the people our dogs think we are.

25. Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?

Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?

26. The struggle is real but so is God.

27. Looking for the perfect gift? Find Him here.

Looking for the perfect gift? Find Him here.

28. You have one new friend request from: Jesus.

29. When gratitude becomes your default setting, life changes.

When gratitude becomes your default setting, life changes.

30. Less hate, more pancakes.

31. Don't make me come down there. – God

32. How do we make Holy Water? We boil the Hell out of it!

33. Adam and Eve: The first people to read the Apple terms and conditions.

Adam and Eve: The first people to read the Apple terms and conditions.

34. Trust in God, but lock your car.

35. Church parking only. Violators will be baptized.

36. Jesus will love the Hell out of you.

37. Your name may be on a bottle of Coke, but is it in the Book of Life?

38. I was going to waste, but Jesus recycled me.

39. God loves you whether you like it or not.

God loves you whether you like it or not.

40. Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible!

Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible!

41. I am also making a list and checking it twice. – God

42. Exercise daily. Walk with the Lord.

43. Can't sleep? Counting sheep? Talk to the Shepherd!

44. What could this sign say to get you here on Sunday?

45. God is our wireless provider!

46. This heat wave is temporary. You certainly don't want to face an eternal one!

47. Body piercing saved our souls.

48. If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.

49. I hate this church. – Satan

50. Under the same management for more than 2,000 years.

51. Prophecy class cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

52. God didn't create anything without purpose, but mosquitoes do come close!

53. What happens in Vegas is forgiven here.

54. Does your spiritual house need spring cleaning?

55. Looking for "Mr. Right"? This is His house!

56. Keep using my name in vain, and I'll make rush hour longer. – God

Keep using my name in vain, and I'll make rush hour longer. – God

57. iPod? iPad? Try iPray! God is listening!

58. You may party in Hell, but you will be the barbecue.

59. If your life stinks, we have a pew for you.

If your life stinks, we have a pew for you.

60. Prayer. The original wireless connection.

Prayer. The original wireless connection.

61. Bring your sin to the altar and drop it like it's hot. Drop it like it's hot.

62. Jesus: Your get-out-of-Hell-free card.

63. Practice thanking God for more than elastic waistbands.

Practice thanking God for more than elastic waistbands.

64. The manger was the first king-sized bed.

65. We have a prophet-sharing plan.

66. Read the Bible. It will scare the Hell out of you!

67. Jesus said "I'll be back" way before Arnold did.

Jesus said

68. Gossip is the Devil's radio. Are you his DJ?

69. I find your lack of faith disturbing. – Darth Vader

70. Eternity is a long time to think about where you went wrong.

71. This is your sign to come to church.

72. Easter comes once a year. How often do you?

73. Walmart is not the only place for savings.

74. What is missing from ch__ch? U R!

What is missing from ch__ch? U R!

75. Forecast for tomorrow: God reigns and the Son shines.

76. We are not Dairy Queen, but we do have great Sundays!

77. Feeling warm? This church is prayer-conditioned.

78. Download your worries and get online with God.

79. Jesus is coming... Look busy!

80. What did Adam say to Eve? I'll wear the plants in this family.

81. Hate corny church signs? Amen!

82. You wanted a sign? Here it is!

83. ATM inside: Atonement, Truth, Mercy

ATM inside: Atonement, Truth, Mercy

84. Give Satan an inch and he'll become your ruler.

85. Thou shalt not steal copper from our A/C unit.

86. God wants full custody, not just weekend visits.

87. Dust on your Bible leads to dirt in your life.

88. Our church is like fudge: sweet with a few nuts.

89. Tithe if you love Jesus. Anyone can honk.

90. If you're praying for a blizzard, please go to Dairy Queen.

91. Life is cray cray. Jesus is the way way.

92. Maury isn't the only place where people find their Fathers.

93. Addicted to the Hokey Pokey, so I turned myself around.

Addicted to the Hokey Pokey, so I turned myself around.

94. Free Coffee! Yes, membership has its benefits!

95. Sinners wanted. Apply within.

Sinners wanted. Apply within.

96. Wrinkled with problems? Come to the Lord's House for a faith lift.

97. If God is your copilot, switch seats.

If God is your copilot, switch seats.

98. Son screen prevents sin burn.

99. Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

100. No body's perfect, but a Jesus workout could help.

101. Jesus: Your get-out-of-hell-free card

The Secrets to Successful Church Signs and Messaging

Want to learn more?

We are the trusted partner for sign projects of all sizes.
For a sign designed for your needs, just request a Quick Quote!

Get a Quick Quote!